i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
