Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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