I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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