dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
