1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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