Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
