I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
