the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
