One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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