your thong is hanging out like whoa
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
