that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
