The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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