They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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