...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
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when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.