Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest