I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
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Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.