the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
