i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
