i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
