i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
either way he was missing a nipple.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
