i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
