I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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