i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
