then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
