I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
