There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
