if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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