you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
