i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just cropdusted the office
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
