I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize