nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
