There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
