On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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