well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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