I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Randomize
