She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
