I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
