burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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