I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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