Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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