Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
