man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
