I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
