When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
