So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
