god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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