I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
