do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
