i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I look better un-naked...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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