i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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