Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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