Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
