theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
