I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
