So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
