I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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