Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
