my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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