What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
