I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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